


Vision

by Heavenly_Pearl



Category: Cardcaptor Sakura
Genre: Angst, Family, Gen, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-19
Updated: 2011-11-19
Packaged: 2017-10-26 07:02:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/280126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heavenly_Pearl/pseuds/Heavenly_Pearl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When someone dies, are they really gone? Kinomoto Touya discovers he has a special gift after his mother's death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vision

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: Card Captor Sakura is the property of CLAMP.

When a person dies, where do they go? Is there such a place as Heaven, the kingdom of eternal bliss? Is there such a place as Hell, the wasteland of eternal pain? Or do departed souls simply disappear, as if they never existed at all?

Those questions were on my mind one Friday morning when the golden light of daybreak awoke me from my dreams, long before I had set my alarm clock to go off. I doubted anybody else was awake. Dead silence filled the air, broken only by the sound of my own soft breathing and the occasional groan of the settling house. In my younger years, I might have been scared to lie awake in that dim darkness, knowing everyone else was still asleep, but instead of fear, I only felt loneliness. A deep, dark loneliness…

Six months ago today, okaa-san died. I still hadn't completely gotten over it, and I supposed I never would. The death of a loved one certainly wasn't something a person could so quickly accept and heal, like a broken leg or hurt feelings. Death was final. Death was forever. Death was death, and nothing I could do would ever bring her back to us, no matter how much I wished for such a thing.

And, oh, how I wished!

Laying face up, I stared at the ceiling, my fingers laced together and sitting behind my head. I wondered if she was looking down at me from heaven, if there was such a place. I decided I rather liked the idea of okaa-san being an angel. It suited her.

Through the thin walls between my and otou-san's room, I heard his alarm clock go off, ringing simultaneously with mine. Breakfast would be ready soon. I threw the blankets off my body and finally sat up in bed, rubbing the final remnants of sleep out of my eyes before heading to the closet to dress.

"Touya-kun, breakfast will be ready in about ten minutes," my father's voice said, coming from outside my bedroom door.

"Hai, otou-san," I called out, pulling my T-shirt over my head.

I quickly finished dressing and went downstairs to the combination kitchen and dining room, finding otou-san flipping pancakes at the stove and my little sister Sakura already sitting at the table, happily playing with her plastic silverware. I made sure to ruffle her messy brown hair as I passed by her chair to my seat, knowing it always annoyed her. "Ohayo, kaijuu," I greeted Sakura.

"I'm _not_ a monster!" the little runt squealed, trying to set her hair back into some semblance of order. "You're such a meanie, onii-chan!"

Otou-san smiled in amusement, setting a stack of hot pancakes in front of each of us before taking his seat beside Sakura. He was used to our teasing. "Ohayo, Touya-kun."

"Ohayo, otou-san," I said, reaching across the table for the bottle of maple syrup.

For the first time, I noticed a brand new picture frame holding an old magazine photo of okaa-san, a former model, placed at the usual place of honor in front of the chair okaa-san would have been sitting in had she still been alive. It had been otou-san's idea to keep the photographs out after the funeral, saying he wanted us to remember her like that: happy, peaceful, beautiful. Instead of grabbing the bottle, I took the frame in my hands and stared at the magazine spread, a strange feeling washing over me.

Okaa-san…

"Touya-kun, is something wrong?" otou-san asked.

I shook my head, putting the wooden frame back in its spot on the table. "I'm fine," I replied, not knowing if I was lying or not.

Otou-san didn't seem convinced, but he didn't ask any more questions after that, for which I was grateful. I didn't want to talk about okaa-san.

After breakfast, otou-san left to work on some important research at the university. He was a very busy professor of archeology, so it was not an unusual occurrence for us to be on our own for much of the day. We were used to it.

While otou-san was gone, it was our job to do the household chores. My first chore of the day was washing the breakfast dishes, so I gathered the dirty plates and walked over to the sink, mindful of the fact Sakura stood right behind me. She pulled on the leg of my jeans after I put the dishes in the sink and turned on the faucet, looking up at me with those large green eyes. "I wanna help, onii-chan," she said. "Pretty please!"

"No way, squirt," I replied, stepping on the small stool we kept nearby so I could reach the sink. "You're too little to do dishes. This is a big kid's job."

"I'm a big kid. See?" Sakura grabbed onto one of the drawer handles, precariously standing on her tiptoes. Even with the extra height, she barely reached over my knees.

I laughed, soaking a sponge in the soapy, lemon-scented water. After I squeezed out the excess water, I tossed the sponge toward her, accidentally on purpose hitting her head. "Here, kaijuu. Go wipe the table and stop bugging me."

"I'm not a monster!"

"Go tell it to somebody who cares."

Sakura stuck her tiny pink tongue out at me before climbing back on her chair to clean the kitchen table.

Shaking my head as I tried to hold back my laughter, I got back to work washing the dirty dishes. It really was too easy to torment her. All I had to do was mention the word "kaijuu," and Sakura was thoroughly offended. Of course, I didn't really think she was a monster. It was just a silly nickname I gave her the day she came home from the hospital three years ago because I was jealous of all the attention okaa-san and otou-san lavished on her. Somehow, the name kind of stuck through the years, and now I didn't really care to break the habit. Besides, it was just too much fun to tease her.

While I washed the dishes, I found myself staring out the small window above the sink, as I usually did. It provided a nice view of our backyard, blooming with colorful summer flowers. Both our parents loved plants, so we always had the most gorgeous gardens. Looking out, I smiled at the sight of dozens upon dozens of nadeshiko flowers covering the ground, thinking they looked as beautiful as the woman who had shared their name. However, it wasn't the pretty pink flowers which held my attention.

For some reason, my eyes were drawn to the sakura tree, or as Sakura always liked to say, her tree, standing in the far corner of the yard, still pretty even without its trademark April blossoms. From one of its bare branches, an old tire swing rocked back and forth in the summer breeze, like a hypnotist's pocket watch.

I still remembered the day otou-san made that swing. It had been summer, a day very much like today. Sakura was still a baby at the time, and I couldn't have been more than eight. I remembered after otou-san hung the tire from the branch and made sure it was sturdy, okaa-san put me and Sakura in the swing and gently pushed us back and forth, our laughter ringing in the air…

Suddenly, the plate I was wiping slipped from my fingers and crashed to the floor, shattering to a thousand tiny pieces.

"Onii-chan?" Sakura asked, though I barely heard her.

It couldn't be. It wasn't possible.

Thinking my eyes were playing a cruel joke on me, I blinked, fully expecting the illusion to disappear. But it didn't. It only became more real.

Okaa-san sat inside the tire, laughing as she made the swing twirl around like a top.

Watching her, I felt the blood draining from my face. She was dead. It couldn't be her. Yet, she appeared as real as I, if only somewhat paler than I remembered. I could practically see right through her.

"Onii-chan, what's wrong?" my sister asked again as she approached me, her voice betraying a small twinge of fear. "You're scaring me…"

Using all my strength, I forced myself to tear my gaze away from my mother and turn back around. "It's nothing, Sakura," I assured her. "Stay away from the glass. I'll clean it up."

I jumped off the stool and over the shattered pieces of the plate, retrieving the broom and dustpan from the pantry. I then cleaned up the mess and tossed the glass into the trashcan, still a little shaken.

Sakura watched me with widened eyes. "Onii-chan…"

"It's nothing, kaijuu," I repeated, stepping back on the stool. "Go to your room and play. I'll take care of all the chores today."

With a small nod, she left the kitchen, and I finished washing the dishes, trying to forget what I saw.

And outside, the tire swing was once again abandoned, rocking in the wind…

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A week later, I sat at the desk in my room, attempting to complete my summer homework. The second trimester of school would be starting in a few days, and while I had done most of my work at the beginning of vacation, I still needed to finish my math exercises and the picture diary. But concentrating on my schoolwork proved to be a futile activity, as my mind kept returning to what I saw that day.

Was I going insane? I still hadn't told otou-san or Sakura about seeing okaa-san sitting in the tire swing, afraid they wouldn't believe me. If I were them, I wouldn't believe me either. The whole thing was ridiculous! Okaa-san was gone. It couldn't have been her I saw, unless…

I threw my pencil aside and buried my face in my hands, trying to block the idea from my mind. No way. There was absolutely no way okaa-san could be a ghost. Ghosts were things of campfire stories and really bad B movies, a figment of people's overactive imaginations. They weren't real, and I refused to believe I had seen one. There had to be some other logical explanation. But what?

Someone knocked on the door to my bedroom, breaking my thoughts. I quickly pretended to be working on my worksheet before telling whoever it was to come in.

Otou-san opened the door and popped his head inside my room. "Oh, Touya-kun, I didn't mean to interrupt your studies," he said, seeing me hunched over my desk.

"That's okay, otou-san," I replied, turning around in my chair. It wasn't as if I was actually working on my homework anyway. "Did you need something?"

He scratched the back of his head, as if he was contemplating asking me or not. "Well, Sakura-san wants to go to the summer festival over at the local shrine, and since I'm working on some research for that big conference, I was hoping you could take her, but if you need to work on your summer homework…"

"I'm almost done," I said, thinking a change of scenery might do me good. "I can finish the rest tomorrow, so I don't mind going to the festival."

"Are you sure, Touya-kun?" he asked, probably surprised that it had been so easy to convince me to look after my little sister. Usually, baby-sitting was not my idea of a fun time, but I was willing to try anything to get my mind off okaa-san.

"Sure, it'll be fun."

"Goody!" another voice said, its owner coming out of hiding behind the opened door. Sakura, already dressed in the beautiful kimono otou-san made for her, smiled cheerfully. "Arigatou, onii-chan!"

"Yeah, yeah, don't mention it," I said, walking over and kneeling in front of her. "You just better be on your best behavior, kaijuu, or else the kami-sama who lives in the shrine… Oh, you don't want to know what the kami-sama does to bad little girls."

Irish eyes widened. "What, onii-chan? What does he do?"

I paused for dramatic effect before answering her question, quite enjoying the look of fear in her eyes. "The kami-sama eats them!" I whispered loudly in her ear.

Whimpering, Sakura hid behind otou-san, her short arms wrapped tightly around his leg. "Is that true, otou-san?" she asked. "Does the kami-sama really eat bad little girls?"

Otou-san shook his head, patting her hair in comfort. "I don't think you have anything to be worried about, Sakura-chan, although I do want you to behave for your brother, okay?"

"Hai! I will!"

After otou-san gave me a few instructions and a little money to spend at the festival, I got dressed in my kimono, and about fifteen minutes later, Sakura and I headed to the small Shinto shrine just two blocks down from our house.

When we arrived, the festival had just begun, although the shrine's grounds were already quite crowded with other kimono-clad visitors. Sakura squealed with excitement as we walked through the torii at the entrance, enchanted with the festive atmosphere, and even I had to admit it looked fun. There were tons of booths set up around the shrine, offering different kinds of entertainment. Some were concession stands, selling anything from powder-pink cotton candy to corn dogs to sushi. Others offered customers the chance to win plush toys and other silly little prizes by playing carnival games. And of course, a couple of the shrine's pretty miko were selling good luck charms in the booth nearest to the shrine, their line of customers mostly consisting of adoring young men and silly schoolgirls wanting luck in catching their sempai's eye. With all the choices available, it was hard to choose what to do first.

"So, where do you want to go, squirt?" I asked. "Do you want to play a game? That ring toss booth looks fun."

Sakura placed a finger on her chin in mock concentration, looking around at all the brightly painted booths. I rolled my eyes after a few moments of waiting for her to make up her mind, realizing it had been a mistake to let her choose, but just as I was about to lead her to the aforementioned ring toss, she tugged on my sleeve, pointing in the direction of a concession stand. I heard her tummy growl, reminding me we hadn't eaten dinner yet. "I'm hungry, onii-chan," Sakura said. "Let's get some ice cream."

"I don't know. Shouldn't we eat something a little more nutritious?" I asked, even as I felt my own stomach rumble in hunger. A vanilla ice cream cone covered in rainbow-hued sprinkles did sound pretty delicious right about now, especially in the summer heat.

"Please…" she begged.

"Okay, okay," I finally agreed, getting in the short line to order. "After all, it would not be a good idea to let the little monster go hungry. You might decide to eat me instead."

"Onii-chan!"

Ignoring the rather nasty glare my sister gave me, I bought two ice cream cones from the vendor. I handed the small strawberry cone to Sakura, keeping the vanilla one for me, and then we went for a walk around the festival, taking in the sights while we ate.

"Oh, onii-chan, look!" Sakura exclaimed as we came across the shrine's sacred tree, illuminated by a strand of paper lanterns hung across the branches. "A pretty birdie!"

She stopped in her tracks and pointed toward a regal black crow perched in the tree, forgetting all about the half-eaten ice cream cone in her hand. The sweet treat slipped from her excited fingers and onto the ground, bringing tears to Sakura's eyes once she realized what happened. Her lips curled in a tiny pout. "My ice cream…" she whispered mournfully, looking down at the ruined cone as the crow flapped its wings and flew away.

"Oh, jeez, Sakura, don't start crying…" I pleaded, though it was already too late. A tear was already starting to run down her cheek.

Sakura sniffled, wiping away the tear with the sleeve of her kimono before beginning to sob in her hands. "My ice cream…"

"Please don't cry, Sakura," I repeated again, in a much softer voice than before. "I'll buy you another ice cream cone, okay?"

Kneeling in front of her, I pulled her hands away from her face and wiped away her tears with the napkin from my ice cream cone, which I had already finished eating. If there was one thing I hated, it was seeing my sister cry. Sure, I liked to tease and torture my little sister as much as the next big brother, but that didn't mean I ever wanted to see her sad or hurt.

"Really, onii-chan?" Sakura asked, once her sobs had subsided. "Do you really mean it? You'll buy me another one?"

"Sure. I'll even buy you two if you want."

"Arigatou!" Before I knew it, the cheerful Sakura was back, a huge grin on her face. She threw her arms around me, hugging me in gratitude.

"Ahhh! The monster is squeezing me to death! Somebody help me!" I teased, standing back up with the little kaijuu still hanging from my neck.

"Onii-chan, I'm _not_ a… Onii-chan?"

Not again.

Slowly, I set Sakura back on the ground, feeling my heart pound against my rib cage. It couldn't be…

Underneath the sacred tree, a woman stood, staring at us with a look of love in her emerald green eyes. Wavy silver hair framed her lovely face, and her pale skin seemed to glow with a light all its own. I took in a sharp breath, recognizing the woman I saw spinning in the tire swing one week ago.

"Why are you here, okaa-san?" I asked in a hoarse voice, entranced by the apparition.

The ethereal vision smiled softly, her eyes falling on her daughter for a moment before locking with mine. Beside me, I felt Sakura tugging on my sleeve. "Onii-chan, why are you talking to okaa-san?" Sakura asked, confused. "Otou-san said she's in heaven, remember?"

 _No, Sakura, okaa-san isn't in heaven,_ I thought, but didn't say aloud. She was here, on Earth, leaning against a tree as she smiled at us. Or was she? Didn't Sakura see her? Okaa-san was standing right in front of us, and yet my sister didn't appear to notice her presence.

"Sakura, you don't see her?" I asked. "Okaa-san is standing underneath the sacred tree. Can't you see her?"

Sakura shook her head, squeezing my hand tightly in fear. "Onii-chan, you're scaring me," she whispered. "Please don't tease me like that. It's not very nice."

"You really don't see her?" I asked again, slowly walking toward the glowing woman. Something unexplainable drew me to her, even if she wasn't real. Could she really be…

"A ghost?"

My sister's grip on my hand suddenly tightened at my words, holding me back. "I'm scared," Sakura repeated, her voice shaking as she tried to hold back her tears. She buried her face in my robe, her other hand gripping the silken fabric as if were a treasured security blanket. "Ghosts are scary! Tell her to go away, onii-chan. Please!"

I finally looked away from okaa-san, focusing my attention back to my little sister, who began crying into my kimono. Sakura really was afraid, wasn't she? If I had known it would upset her so much, I never would have told her about seeing our mother.

Surprisingly enough, however, my own fear seemed to have disappeared, replaced instead by curiosity. Why was she here, and why was I the only one able to see her? But those questions would have to wait for another day, for I had no desire to frighten my little sister any further.

"It's okay, Sakura," I assured her, resting my hand on top of her head in comfort. "She's gone."

"Really?" Sakura glanced up and sniffled, wiping her snotty nose with her sleeve.

I handed her my napkin and ruffled her hair, forcing a smile on my face. "Yeah, kaijuu. I was just teasing you. Good one, huh? Now, what do you say we go get you another ice cream cone?"

"Hai! Let's go!"

Excited, Sakura pulled me back toward the ice cream stand, and we got in line, but as we waited for the man and his son in front of us to get their order, I looked over my shoulder one last time at the woman still standing underneath the sacred tree. She gave me a soft smile before fading into nothingness, and I sighed.

 _Okaa-san… Why?_

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 _Why, okaa-san? Why?_

For what seemed like the millionth time since the night of the summer festival, I asked myself that question, always getting the same answer in return. I didn't know why she was here, and quite frankly, sometimes I thought it was better that way. Maybe I didn't want to know. Without answers, I could always imagine what I wanted to believe, instead of facing the truth of the matter. What was it they always said? Ignorance is bliss? That's the way I felt sometimes. Ignorance was bliss. It was easier than dealing with the idea that my deceased mother was a ghost, or spirit, or whatever it is she was, and that I could see her.

However, another part of me, the stronger part, wanted to know the truth. I wanted to know why okaa-san was here, and, more importantly, why she only appeared to me. Why not Sakura? Or otou-san? I knew my father would love to see her again. He tried to be brave for the sake of me and my sister, but okaa-san's death had affected him more than anyone. It would be a dream come true if otou-san could see her one more time, even if only for a moment. So, why me, and not him?

"Touya-kun, remember you have school tomorrow," my father's voice said, passing by my room. "Don't stay up too late."

"Hai, otou-san."

After putting away the last of my completed summer homework in my backpack, I turned off the light switch and crawled into bed, although I doubted I would be able to sleep. Slumber had not come easily for me over the last couple of days. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw my mother's pale face smiling at me, and it was only from pure exhaustion I managed to get any sleep at all, little as it was.

And so it was again tonight. I tossed and turned in my bed for a good hour or so until I decided to finally give up my battle for sleep and just look out the open window at the full moon, glowing in the dark midnight sky. The sight calmed me somewhat, the moon's soft luminance falling over my face like a lover's caress. I sighed, rolling on my side so I had a better view.

"Why?" I whispered to the moon, my only companion in the lonely night. "Why is she here?"

A light breeze came through the window, causing the curtains to flutter ever so slightly. I pulled my blanket closer to my body, shivering. The summer night air was rather cold tonight, wasn't it? Getting out of bed with the blanket still wrapped around my shoulders, I walked over to the window and closed it.

When I turned back around, she was there.

"Okaa-san?" I whispered, frozen in my spot by the window.

The transparent vision nodded, kneeling down in front of me. She stroked my cheek, so lightly I barely felt her touch, and smiled.

"My dear Touya, you've grown," the apparition said, her sweetly high-pitched voice echoing in my head as her lips moved. It startled me at first, hearing her like that, but I soon became accustomed to the unusual link of communication, accepting the fact that ghosts didn't have to obey the laws of science. Her very existence proved that to be true.

"I missed you, okaa-san," I finally said hoarsely, wiping away a wayward tear which managed to roll down my face with my hand. "So, so much."

"And I, you."

Our eyes met, both of us seeking assurance that what we were seeing was real, or at least as real as real could be when one dealed with such a remarkable event. I longed to hug her, but stopped myself from doing so, still afraid her presence might be a figment of my imagination. If it was, then I didn't want it to disappear. I wanted it to last forever.

"Why?" I asked her once I managed to find my voice again. "Why are you here? And why ca-"

Bringing her finger to my lips, okaa-san laughed. "So full of questions, aren't we?" she teased, standing back up and floating over to my bed. "Let me tuck you in, and I'll tell you everything you want to know."

She patted the mattress beside her, and I climbed back in, allowing her to cover me with the blanket. "Why?" I asked again, once I was settled.

"Because you have a very special gift, Touya-kun," she answered, her weightless hands covering mine. On her left hand, her golden wedding band sparkled in the silver moonlight from around one of her long, pianist's fingers. I was momentarily reminded of all the afternoons we spent together, practicing on the organ in the living room, and how fast her fingers had moved across the keys, but I shook the memory away and glanced up at my mother.

My eyes widened. "A gift?"

"Yes, you were born with the power to see into the spirit world, like me," she explained. "Your father and sister don't have that gift, so that was why Sakura could not see me at the festival."

It took a minute for the news to really sink in. I had the power to see spirits? If it wasn't for okaa-san sitting on the edge of my bed, telling me this in her own voice, I never would have believed it. This was all like something out of a ghost story.

"But if I have this 'gift', why haven't I seen any other ghosts before now?" I asked, still a little confused. "That is what you are, right? A ghost? This is all so strange…"

Okaa-san brushed a strand of hair from my eyes, looking down at me with sympathy. "I know this is a lot to handle, Touya-kun. It was difficult for me when I finally discovered my power, when I was just about your age. I felt confused, and scared, and lonely, as if I didn't really fit in with everybody else. But, listen to me. I want you to always remember that your power is indeed a wonderful gift, and you should never be afraid or embarrassed because of it. Are you afraid, Touya-kun?"

I shook my head. How could I be afraid when my mother sat beside me, assuring me everything was going to be okay? Okaa-san was here, and her presence was all I needed to drive away any fear I might have had.

"That's my brave little boy," she said with a soft smile. "Be brave and protect your little sister in the trials she will face. She's going to need you."

"I will."

"And try not to scare her too much with this, okay? I saw what happened what happened at the festival. I have a feeling Sakura-chan doesn't like ghosts very much."

"Okay," I reluctantly promised, only mildly disappointed. It would have been fun to scare her every once in a while. "I won't scare her too much."

"Good."

"Okaa-san, will I be able to see you anytime I want?" I asked, my eyelids growing heavy.

"Not always," she answered. "But I will always look after you and Sakura, my precious darlings. Remember that. Now, go to sleep, Touya-kun. You have school tomorrow."

"Hai…" Yawning, I closed my eyes, already feeling the fabled Sandman work his magic. It would not be hard to fall asleep tonight.

"I love you, okaa-san," I whispered, sensing she was about to leave.

"I love you, too, my sweet Touya…"

And with those words, I felt the faintest brush of a mother's kiss on my forehead before I could feel her presence no more.


End file.
